It was bound to happen... Meme-time!

Birth month: August... I am SUCH the Leo! :o)

Birthplace: Europe... and not even one of the warmer countries. Why couldn't I have been born in California?

My Heritage: Northern European, but with some South-Eastern European in the mix somewhere (we're not sure where, but there's a bit of "Gypsies, tramps and thieves" on my father's side)

Eye Color: One of my nicknames (and profile picture) isn't "Miss Green Eyes" for nothing. Hmm, though sometimes during the colder months, they can seem blue.

Right or Left handed: Right, but very left legged. Whether at soccer or karate (yeah, I've tried a couple of cool things), my left leg is by far the strongest and most accurate.

Shoes I'm wearing today: Puma, beige suede with light blue leather highlights. My feet love them!

My Weakness: My wife, food and my temper (in that order)

My Worst Fear: Losing people I love

My Perfect Pizza: Very simple with a thin crust and just tomato, oregano and cheese

Most Overused Phrase: Calling something "gay" because you find it lame or feminine

Your Best Physical Feature: Eyes and hands - though I'm talented in other areas as well... But... that wasn't the question, right. ;o)

McDonalds or Burger King: Burger Queen

Coke or Pepsi: Diet Coke... Always and forever, though I rarely drink it these days

Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla... 'cause then I'll ad my own flavour with a zillion toppings and sauces

Cappuccino or Coffee: I used to say I'd never drink coffee. Now I'm the only one in my family and circle of friends that choose espresso when we're out

Cash or Credit cards: I like the cash... I feel richer and more in touch with my spendings. Though I do have all the major credit cards and use them when travelling

Do you Smoke: No, thankfully I never got into that. I know I have quite an addictive personality, so I'd probably be hooked in a bad way

Do you Swear: Aww HELL yes!

Do you Sing: I like to, yes, and if it's quiet I'm always humming to myself or singing a song in my head

Do you get along with your Parents: Yes, I acutally have a great relationship with my parents - it doesn't hurt that they adore my dear Wifey. ;o)

Do you like Thunderstorms: Oh yeah... ;o)

Do you play an Instrument: STILL need to learn to play the guitar

Do you drink alcohol: Yes, but I VERY rarely get drunk. A bit of a buzz once in a while is enough for me

Do you do any drugs: Never

In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Not a BOX, no... LOL, well, another kind of "box" yes, but not of Oreos. A snackpack of Oreos, yes.

In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Unfortunately no

Ever gone Skinny Dipping: Yes, and it was very nice, but quite innocent

How do you want to Die: My wife and I have already agreed to die in our sleep in each others arms, when we're old and our time has come

What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Living in the Santa Barbara (CA) area

What country would you most like to Visit: Australia, since I still haven't been there

Best Clothing Style: "College Girl" in the Fall look

Number of CDs I own: No idea, but I love music, so I have A LOT!

Number of Piercings: Only the ears, one in each

Number of Tattoos: One... and counting

Number of things in my Past I Regret: In theory, there's a few. But eveything I've been through has brought me here... I can't regret anything!

FINALLY, I understand now!

I've been trying to figure out why I love the Callie/Erica storyline and relationship on Grey's Anatomy so much, and now I know. Malinda Lo's column at AfterEllen.com just managed to explain it perfectly. Also, her column made me realize how much their story reminds me of how I met my Wifey.

We're always gushing about how happy we are that things went so slow. I mean, people knew we should be together for quite a while before we realized it. We quickly became best friends and were really scared of losing the friendship if things didn't work out - quite a silly fear as things have turned out. But still, everything was savoured and we can laugh at how innocent we were in the beginning... but it was perfect.

Thank you, Malinda... I think I'm gonna feel all warm and tingly inside for a while after reading your column. :o)

- GayGirl

How dare you?

Okay, I may be sensitive and my sense of fairness can get a bit warped. But when I go to a special screening of a movie featuring a lesbian love story as the primary theme, then I have a REALLY hard time tolerating that the straight couple in front of me feel a need to constantly be making out and be super lovey-dovey. I really am not much for public affection (kisses, hugs, holding hands is all fine, but I feel that make-out sessions is really inappropriate - the disco, bar and club scene not included).

Anyway, I have to look at you straight couples “flashing your sexuality in my face” every single day - oh yeah, you KNOW that’s what they’d be calling it if two boys in love were even thinking about holding hands. But when I go to see a movie made for ME and MY people, then I really don’t think I should have to put up with it. Oh, I know this couple were feeling very tolerant and open-minded by going to see this movie (where the audience were otherwise gay, bisexual or single straight men hoping to see some lesbian action), but you seemed more pathetic than anything, since you were sooo busy showing everyone that you were a couple, you know, straight couple… being like, totally straight… with each other.

Besides, this movie was REALLY good, so if this straight couple had actually been interested in the movie, then they would have been acting like the rest of the people there. All everyone else had time for was holding hands, sharing loving glances, sitting close and reaching for a kleenex. Yes, even those insensitive assholes in front of me couldn’t ruin this movie called "The Chinese Botanist's Daughter".

Think “Brokeback Mountain” set in a totally different environment and with lesbians… and they made ALL the right choices – not the safe or easy ones, but always the option that could keep them together in SOME way. There's a review at AfterEllen here

Feeling happy to be gay in this society and time (even if we still have a long way to go for equality)
- GayGirl

Dreams of pregnancy

No, I have no desire to get pregnant anytime soon – if ever… probably never, actually. However, what my nifty little headline refers to are actual dreams I’ve been having about once a year for the past 4-5 years.

What interesting is that these dreams always seem to follow the same storyline, even if the scenery is always changing:

Part 1) The dream begins and suddenly I look down and see my VERY pregnant belly (we’re talking 8 months pregnant). At first I always seem to get very happy at this discovery, but this feeling only lasts for about 10 seconds. Then comes…

Part 2) PANIC! I am not at all ready to have a child. What am I gonna do? What about that trip we’re taking to New York next month? Well, we’ll have to cancel that. And I’ll have to tell my workplace that I’m going on maternity leave in like a day or two…

Part 3) HOW did this even happen? At this point I’m always with my dear wife and telling her that I swear I haven’t been cheating on her (which I never would in ANY case, and she knows this). Besides, I’m a Goldstar lesbian (you know, never had sex with a man), so we’d really be talking Immaculate Conception here.

Part 4) My wife believes me and seems much calmer than me, which is always very comforting. There’s not even the tiniest doubt or confusion… obviously she just got me pregnant and we’re not surprised that our lesbian lovechild is making me look 8 months pregnant within a day or two. But me, I’m still in a state of panic and feel like my life is ending.

Part 5) I wake up and immediately feel my stomach and breathe a heavy sigh of relief… then I wake up Wifey and tell her I’ve had a scary dream, and she holds me.

However, as the years go by (and more of our friends start getting babies), my REAL concern is if I ever have this dream and I don’t panic. What will this mean? And will I then panic when I wake up because I’ll suddenly feel an overwhelming need to get pregnant as soon as possible.

Only time will tell… but for now, I have ALL that I need and I am so immensely thankful for everything. :o)

Living in bliss,
- GayGirl

To object, or grin and bear it?

Every now and then - especially as a gay person and sometimes with higher frequency than what you imagine - a situation comes up, when you're faced with the moral dilemma of whether to object (and consequently reprimand?) or simply grin and bear it.

So why would you choose the latter, if it's against your morals? Well, because the first option of objecting will often lead you to avoid having to hear the comments, but it will rarely do more than that. Basically, this means that you won't be there to object to other - and perhaps harsher - comments.

So... Grin and bear it? Well, I find myself taking this road more often than not. I tell myself that it's simply to stay on top of the situation instead of missing out on worse comments than the wisecrack about the waiter's lisp and lose wrist. I'm not so sure that I'm not sometimes just chickening out, but I can guarantee that I would never accept or ignore any truly hateful or discriminating comment. I guess that means that I'll choose to grin and bear it as a general rule, which instead means that the real question is: Up to which point? What is my personal limit and how will I then react?

Feeling quite philosophical,
- GayGirl

Am I an addict?

Yes, I'm afraid I have to admit that I am an addict.

It's not one of the usual Rock n' Roll addictions like alcohol or drugs or even smoking. But it IS an addiction and it is definitely bad for me: Food.

And no, I'm not at the point where I'm dangerously obese. Actually, I'm not obese by any definition, but I am overweight and would be a lot healthier if I lost a good 15-20 pounds. Fortunately I also eat healthy things, but my issue is with moderation.

You know how they say you can have anything in moderation? Well, I'm not so sure about that. I can't have just ONE piece of chocolate if I have a whole box in front of me... Excuse me, but *chuckles* "a box in front of me".. oh, how my mind easily wanders into naughty areas. :oP

ANYWAY, I can't stop after just one piece, and I know it. So my point - and yes, as always, I do actually have one - is that when you get down to basics, it's no different than the addiction to i.e. alcohol. You wouldn't say "Oh, go ahead, Bob, I know you're an alcoholic, but you know how they say everything is fine in moderation... Go ahead, enjoy a drink or two on the weekends".

But somehow, food just isn't considered as serious as alcohol, smoking or drugs. Even though obesity is now a heavy burden on hospitals around the world just as smoking, alcohol and drugs have been for years. I just wish everyone would accept the fact that some people have problems with food just as others have with smoking or alcohol. And respect this addiction as something serious, by - at the very least - not trying to persuade them that it okay to eat the chocolate or a piece of cake, because "You have to indulge sometimes, and you're doing so well... Everything is fine in moderation". My ASS it is.

I have gotten this far without becoming obese and am well on my way to losing weight, because I don't indulge and I accept that I can't have that first "taste" of my addiction without falling off the wagon.

Actually, this entire complaint is only mildly personal annoyance, since my real issue is to see friends who experienced massive weightloss be tempted by so-called friends, when you KNOW they have a problem with food. I have personally seen one of my best childhood friends lose and gain 100 pounds THREE times. Everything's going fine, and everybody's impressed, but once it seems like a "new lifestyle", the 'friends' are back with their good intentions and cliche advice of "moderation".

Anyway... I won't have it anymore. I won't pressure anyone overweight into dieting, but if they make that step, I certainly won't pressure them into returning to their bad habits just cause they do well.

And with that, I'm off to eat some healthy snacks. ;o)

- GayGirl

Woman, feminist, cook... Goddess!

I would like to direct your attention to Domestic Goddess Nigella Lawson, who - in my humble opinion - is the essense of being a woman. When you look the word "Woman" up in a dictionary, you should see Nigella. I know many men and women who simply adore her (like me!), but I also know many that are intimidated by her and without knowing anything about her, turns to words such as "food porn" or "repressed" (?!) to describe her.

Well, excuse me, but are you completely blind or have you simply been living under a rock?! This woman is a feminist of the BEST kind, if you ask me - and I know you didn't, but I really couldn't care less cause you're reading my blog and so I'm in charge... Oh yeah, baby, I am woman, hear me roar. See? That's what I mean, just writing about her I feel empowered.

But yes, I will give you that she is a VERY sensual persona, and when she's cooking (if ya know what I mean *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*?!) then Wifey and I can't help but smile and laugh at how very erotic even the most simple roast potato can become, because yes, she is very flirtatious. However, I really don't think it's something she does intentionally.
In fact, here's a little tidbit from a Herald Time article on that exact topic:

"I always feel people overstress that," she says. "My producers are women and they're heterosexual women. As far as I'm aware, their view isn't that I'm going to be singing my siren song."

Perhaps. But it's hard to discount Lawson's flirtatious ways with the camera, the knowing, sidelong glances, the slow bites. Overstressed or not, food and sensuality blur a bit on Lawson's set.

"I love food and I'm very greedy," she says. "But I always feel it makes it sound like I'm doing some exotic dance of the seven veils."

In a cooking-mood... or maybe I just feel like watching Nigella cooking shows? If I wasn't in touch with being gay, I think my first time watching Nigella would've taken care of that. ;o)
- GayGirl

P.S. Bonus item of the day that may tickle your interest:
"... most [women] simply have, somewhere, a fantasy about having sex, in a non-defining, non-exclusive way, with other women"

- Nigella Lawson in her article "Sapphism is more than designer-dykery" from The Guardian.