Losing it...

So, I'm three days into my pursuit for this:

Oh yeah, any excuse to show off that body - even if it's not mine yet. Things are going great and I'm staying right on target. The truth is that I know I can do these sort of things, if I just put my mind to it and convince myself that I have decided that this is something I MUST do. Of course, this goes for everyone, but when you've been seriously OCD challenged like I have, then there's still a little hint of that left that can help you along. I have yet to meet someone who's battled with OCD that have let go of it 100%. You can call it little neuroses or what have you, but if you've ever been through the flicking lights on and off, or checking if a door is locked 8 times, then you know what's triggering you. Well, maybe not what exactly the trigger is (other than stress in some form probably), but you understand the mecanics of it.

ANYWAY, for me, I'm over my OCD, but have a few things that I hang on to - nothing people will notice, but more a matter of little things that people would call quirks, habbits, supperstition or what have you. These few things are what keeps it all balanced for me, and so I'm trying to now make it work for me by telling myself that I MUST eat healthy and work out. No, not to brainwash myself (well, maybe just a little bit) and I'm not on my way to an eating dissorder, but just to change my entire mindset.

I'm very aware of all the dangers when losing weight, and I've had my time with bulimia - to keep the weight I lost in a healthy weight off, and not to lose weight (not that it makes anything better) - and I'm not going back to any of my old unhealthy habbits. This is all about being healthy, and the truth is: When I was fighting with both OCD and bulimia in my teens, I realized that it was a lot of fear and stress, which in many ways was directly related to dealing with being gay (I know of MANY gay people who went through this same thing, which is a bit scary).

I've never had a problem with being gay, but I had a problem with the way I felt gay people were treated and perceived, which made me fight more for my place in the world - somehow my reasoning became that if I did everything right and was a "good girl" AND a "gay girl" then people would have to accept that being gay can be a good thing - I'm certainly VERY pleased with it.

Well, that was a right ramble there... but my point - and I do have one - is just to convey that I am right on track and even had a little meltdown yesterday - which is a good thing, because I do need to deal with the underlying issues of why I keep the extra 10-15 pounds on. I just had a good little cry, Wifey gave me space and knew when to reach out and then I got right back up. Okay, so having my period, which I admit makes my hormones run wild (Wifey would probably have a much more extreme way of explaining it), doesn't make this any better, so when I felt like I was losing control, I just had my little meltdown... And this time chocolate wasn't an option. ;o)

Keep on keepin' on,
- GayGirl

P.S. I'm not REALLY a control freak... I just don't like it when others take control - except when I do like it. I'm such a bottom sometimes, but that's another story all together. ;o)

Image of Sunday - and my inspiration

This week is all about summer! My summer vacation starts this week, but Wifey still has another week of work, so I'm going to make the most of this week by doing some stuff around the house, work on learning Spanish and - this next part is actually my primary mission - I'm going to go ALL in and get a committed beginning to losing some weight and especially get in shape.

My inspiration - one of them anyway - is to get the body I want, which is pretty much like the one featured in my Image of Sunday (and this will be my wallpaper for at least a week)...:

Need I say that Wifey is also looking forward to when I can say "Mission Accomplished"? ;o)

I've joined the Jillian Michaels program (@ JillianMichaels.com), which I expect can help get my butt kicked into shape, and give me a good start. I've actually always thought very highly of her - love her no nonsense approach, and I believe that sometimes you do need to get beaten to the ground to realize you can make a decision to get back up and be better. And now that she's more open about her sexuality (bisexual from her comments so far), I feel good about choosing her to be my guide on this tour of HELL, which will no doubt leave me with a need to vent. That's why I plan on using this space right here, my blog, to get my thoughts and feelings out.

The best kiss

I stumbled across this clip a little over a week ago, and I knew I simply had to showcase it on my blog as well - in fact, I even commented this on the post where I originally saw it here (thank you so much to Snow for sharing this clip the first time around (I've seen it a few places since, but you were the first).

Let's see who Kristen thinks is the better kisser - and could she possible look and sound more like Shane from The L Word, when she answers the question? You be the judge. Here we go:


I might as well reveal right now that my favorite part is the reaction of her publicist, which just screams volumes - and somehow helps confirm everything I've been saying in this blog on the subject for the past +year.

And speaking of the publicist, I didn't know who she was, when she first caught my eye in pictures of Kristen here, but my wonderful anonymous reader - who refered me to these pictures to begin with - has come to the rescue once again. AND she has more juicy intel this time around:

"The woman in the pictures with Kristen is her publicist, Ruth. According to Kristen fans, Ruth and Kristen have worked together for many years and that's why they are so "comfortable" with each other. Ok, fine, but then I would like them to explain this comment Kristen makes... http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2010/07/02/huh-kristen-stewart-says-rob-pattinson-not-her-top-pick-for-best-kisser-who-is/"

And THIS is what she said in the article - it's regarding her being nominated for "Best Kiss" at the MTV Awards with both Rob and Dakota:
“I would’ve been really proud if me and Dakota had won,” she said. She even had the acceptance speech planned if Dakota had been there: “I would’ve done the whole build-up that me and Rob did last year, and then just stopped and said, “‘This just doesn’t feel right. Dakota, where are you? That would have been so funny.”

Umm, yeah, that would have been VERY funny, and it would have been especially funny to see publicist Ruth tackle Dakota on her way to the stage to prevent it.

But all this talk of the kisses made me want to check out the actual kiss with Dakota - I've already seen her kisses with Rob Pattinson in the Twilight movies. Well, the only full length version of the kissing scene is of low quality, but you get the jist of it:



Now, of course I'm very biased, but I think Rob seems like a really and truly great friend to Kristen, but I don't see anything else there. Not even when they're acting, which is a bit sad - however, in Rob's defense, the heat is lacking on Kristen's part and not so much his.

Kristen and Dakota on the other hand...Well then, seems like the agressor role suits our girl a bit better, 'cause now I see some heat. Or maybe it's just because it feel more natural with Dakota. But I still see more passion when looking back at pictures of her and Nikki Reed... but maybe that's just me?!

What do you think?

- GG

Image of Sunday

I may not be American, but I never pass on a chance to celebrate and have a little party – especially if it involves fireworks, which I just adore. Pretty colors that join the stars… that’s just beautiful.

Besides, 4th of July is Independence Day and since it celebrates Independence, I’m in! Actually, it celebrates the Declaration of Independence, which has some of the most powerful words that we should all live by every day.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

See, isn’t that a good thing to celebrate? Also, I always feel that as gay people (as a whole no matter where you live), we’re in a category of our own, where we often have to fight to be treated as equals, while living as independent individuals.

So whoever you are and wherever you live. Happy Independence day! Let’s celebrate it with a bang…. A pretty bang!

And this time the bonus is a song by a very independent, talented and amazing woman: Robyn with “Dancing on my own”, which is a fiercely independent song. I read an interview with her recently, where she stated that it really isn’t a sad song, since it’s about a girl who’s watching the person she wants dancing and kissing someone else, so she just continues to dance on her own instead of leaving and being defeated. Just notice these lyrics towards the end of the song:

So far away, but still so near
The lights go on, the music dies
But you don't see me, standing here
I just came to say goodbye



Also, Robyn is brilliant at not making her songs very gender specific, which I love. She just relates them to herself singing “I'm givin' it my all, but I'm not the girl you're takin' home - I keep dancin' on my own”, but who she sings to or about is always up to the listener.

Celebrating all week,
- GG

I'm coming out...

I need to come out. No, not the gay part... that's pretty out there
already. ;o) In fact, I'm one of those people who - as far back as I can
remember - always said that the one thing I knew I wasn't was straight.
That's probably why I got this T-shirt the minute I saw it:

Yep, that sums me up. I knew that I liked women, but I was a bit more
uncertain about those of the male persuasion. So maybe I was bi, but I
certainly never thought I was (or could be or even wanted to be) straight. I did consider myself to be bisexual during my teens, while I was figuring it all out... But I only really found my heartbeat speeding up and slowing down at the same time for girls. And I'm a total Goldstar lesbian... LOL, so I wasn't really all THAT bi.

Anyway, turns out the only guys I like are A) Those that I love like friends and in a total brotherly way or B) The gay boys... cause I do love
them, and the only time during my bi-years that I got somewhat confused was by a wonderful gay guy. Probably because it was all very safe and he had a femine thing about him that I responded to.

In any case, turns out I'm just super gay and thrilled to bits about it. Oh yes, in these Pride times, I really am.

But this post has been a complete side-track from the REAL point - and as
always, I do have one... You just need to wait for it, when I think of other interesting and completely mindblowing things I need to share. Or maybe not all that mindblowing... But back to the point of this post: I need to come out... and admit to the world... I am... not... American. I'm European. Born here and have been a citizen for all my life.

I've not objected when a comment has assumed otherwise because Wifey and I both ADORE the US, have lived there for shorter or longer periods (shorter for me, a bit longer for Wifey) and we plan on living there eventually. Part time, anyway - I don't want to give up on Europe all together.

I love and protect the anonymity that this blog gives me, but at the same
time, I want to be honest. I'm out and proud in every other way, so why not this one? Though I'll keep the specifics to myself... let's just say that I'm from Western Europe and while I am bilingual - see, still a little bi - and working on becoming trilingual, when the Spanish kicks in, I'm not from an english speaking country. I speak two languages fluently, an additional three pretty well (used to be real good, but now I basically understand them while searching for words when I need to speak) and I want Spanish to be the third language that I speak fluently. And I appreciate all and any advice/help that any of you may be able to offer in regards to that.

Phew, that felt good to get out there... and now, I need a drink!

Citizen of the World,
- GG

P.S. If you suffered through this VERY long post with a sidetrack here and there, then we are now officially friends in the making, so drop me a line if you're so inclined. ;o)