"GayGirll2000" How did I come up with that name?
Well, I never really use the word "lesbian". I mean, I do use it every now and then, but I define myself as "gay" and not "lesbian". I have no problem with the L word, but many years back - more than a decade, which is just scary to think about, LOL - when I came out, I really wasn't very happy with the word and it seemed like only certain homosexual women (angry, older, more butch and man hating) called themselves "Lesbians", but I was happy, young - still am, darn it - not butch, but not really super femine either, and I know many men that I think are just wonderful (gay and straight), so I went with the word that happy Ellen DeGeneres chose, when she proudly proclaimed "Yep, I'm gay!".
Me too!
Anyway, when you need to choose your name online, it seems other people have always had the same thought as you, so of course you need to find a new name, and so I thought to myself... What's gay? What's cool? Funny? Sounds good? What works that I can remember and identify with? And then it hit me...
Oh yeah, baby... it's like a new and improved version - or a cool robot, and I'm a bit geeky like that. GayGirl2000... Thank you, Jack!
- GG
P.S. I've lost a good 5 pounds so far, and things are going really good - except I've just been wined and dined for three days in a row. ;o) My parents love to take out me and my Wifey... We really are just foodies, and it is our summer vacation these days.
Besides, Wifey's got the greatest metabolism and can eat like a construction worker, while maintaining the look of a swimsuit model (I know, the world is unfair, but at least she's mine, so I'm not complaining... much), so my parents really enjoy taking us out for dinner. People always love guests with a good appetite. Anyway, I'm staying on board with the Jillian Michaels workouts and am back on track on the food/calorie intake now as well.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Losing it...
So, I'm three days into my pursuit for this:
Oh yeah, any excuse to show off that body - even if it's not mine yet. Things are going great and I'm staying right on target. The truth is that I know I can do these sort of things, if I just put my mind to it and convince myself that I have decided that this is something I MUST do. Of course, this goes for everyone, but when you've been seriously OCD challenged like I have, then there's still a little hint of that left that can help you along. I have yet to meet someone who's battled with OCD that have let go of it 100%. You can call it little neuroses or what have you, but if you've ever been through the flicking lights on and off, or checking if a door is locked 8 times, then you know what's triggering you. Well, maybe not what exactly the trigger is (other than stress in some form probably), but you understand the mecanics of it.
ANYWAY, for me, I'm over my OCD, but have a few things that I hang on to - nothing people will notice, but more a matter of little things that people would call quirks, habbits, supperstition or what have you. These few things are what keeps it all balanced for me, and so I'm trying to now make it work for me by telling myself that I MUST eat healthy and work out. No, not to brainwash myself (well, maybe just a little bit) and I'm not on my way to an eating dissorder, but just to change my entire mindset.
I'm very aware of all the dangers when losing weight, and I've had my time with bulimia - to keep the weight I lost in a healthy weight off, and not to lose weight (not that it makes anything better) - and I'm not going back to any of my old unhealthy habbits. This is all about being healthy, and the truth is: When I was fighting with both OCD and bulimia in my teens, I realized that it was a lot of fear and stress, which in many ways was directly related to dealing with being gay (I know of MANY gay people who went through this same thing, which is a bit scary).
I've never had a problem with being gay, but I had a problem with the way I felt gay people were treated and perceived, which made me fight more for my place in the world - somehow my reasoning became that if I did everything right and was a "good girl" AND a "gay girl" then people would have to accept that being gay can be a good thing - I'm certainly VERY pleased with it.
Well, that was a right ramble there... but my point - and I do have one - is just to convey that I am right on track and even had a little meltdown yesterday - which is a good thing, because I do need to deal with the underlying issues of why I keep the extra 10-15 pounds on. I just had a good little cry, Wifey gave me space and knew when to reach out and then I got right back up. Okay, so having my period, which I admit makes my hormones run wild (Wifey would probably have a much more extreme way of explaining it), doesn't make this any better, so when I felt like I was losing control, I just had my little meltdown... And this time chocolate wasn't an option. ;o)
Keep on keepin' on,
- GayGirl
P.S. I'm not REALLY a control freak... I just don't like it when others take control - except when I do like it. I'm such a bottom sometimes, but that's another story all together. ;o)
ANYWAY, for me, I'm over my OCD, but have a few things that I hang on to - nothing people will notice, but more a matter of little things that people would call quirks, habbits, supperstition or what have you. These few things are what keeps it all balanced for me, and so I'm trying to now make it work for me by telling myself that I MUST eat healthy and work out. No, not to brainwash myself (well, maybe just a little bit) and I'm not on my way to an eating dissorder, but just to change my entire mindset.
I'm very aware of all the dangers when losing weight, and I've had my time with bulimia - to keep the weight I lost in a healthy weight off, and not to lose weight (not that it makes anything better) - and I'm not going back to any of my old unhealthy habbits. This is all about being healthy, and the truth is: When I was fighting with both OCD and bulimia in my teens, I realized that it was a lot of fear and stress, which in many ways was directly related to dealing with being gay (I know of MANY gay people who went through this same thing, which is a bit scary).
I've never had a problem with being gay, but I had a problem with the way I felt gay people were treated and perceived, which made me fight more for my place in the world - somehow my reasoning became that if I did everything right and was a "good girl" AND a "gay girl" then people would have to accept that being gay can be a good thing - I'm certainly VERY pleased with it.
Well, that was a right ramble there... but my point - and I do have one - is just to convey that I am right on track and even had a little meltdown yesterday - which is a good thing, because I do need to deal with the underlying issues of why I keep the extra 10-15 pounds on. I just had a good little cry, Wifey gave me space and knew when to reach out and then I got right back up. Okay, so having my period, which I admit makes my hormones run wild (Wifey would probably have a much more extreme way of explaining it), doesn't make this any better, so when I felt like I was losing control, I just had my little meltdown... And this time chocolate wasn't an option. ;o)
Keep on keepin' on,
- GayGirl
P.S. I'm not REALLY a control freak... I just don't like it when others take control - except when I do like it. I'm such a bottom sometimes, but that's another story all together. ;o)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Image of Sunday - and my inspiration
This week is all about summer! My summer vacation starts this week, but Wifey still has another week of work, so I'm going to make the most of this week by doing some stuff around the house, work on learning Spanish and - this next part is actually my primary mission - I'm going to go ALL in and get a committed beginning to losing some weight and especially get in shape.
My inspiration - one of them anyway - is to get the body I want, which is pretty much like the one featured in my Image of Sunday (and this will be my wallpaper for at least a week)...:
Need I say that Wifey is also looking forward to when I can say "Mission Accomplished"? ;o)
I've joined the Jillian Michaels program (@ JillianMichaels.com), which I expect can help get my butt kicked into shape, and give me a good start. I've actually always thought very highly of her - love her no nonsense approach, and I believe that sometimes you do need to get beaten to the ground to realize you can make a decision to get back up and be better. And now that she's more open about her sexuality (bisexual from her comments so far), I feel good about choosing her to be my guide on this tour of HELL, which will no doubt leave me with a need to vent. That's why I plan on using this space right here, my blog, to get my thoughts and feelings out.
My inspiration - one of them anyway - is to get the body I want, which is pretty much like the one featured in my Image of Sunday (and this will be my wallpaper for at least a week)...:
I've joined the Jillian Michaels program (@ JillianMichaels.com), which I expect can help get my butt kicked into shape, and give me a good start. I've actually always thought very highly of her - love her no nonsense approach, and I believe that sometimes you do need to get beaten to the ground to realize you can make a decision to get back up and be better. And now that she's more open about her sexuality (bisexual from her comments so far), I feel good about choosing her to be my guide on this tour of HELL, which will no doubt leave me with a need to vent. That's why I plan on using this space right here, my blog, to get my thoughts and feelings out.
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